this is wht comes to me...

life according to people maybe like some roller coaster ride.....but arent roller coaster rides supposed to be fun...and dizzying....dont they seem to stir this sense of absolute excitement and thrill.....life doesnt have those elements....to me this is some designed schedule which seems to rule over everything.....no sense of tranquility....yet music seems to get me over this mechanism...and nobody understands this.......university today was mighty busy and the bloody semiar lasted for hours....there seemed nothing else to do except sit in and listen....or fall into complete slumber while the room is darkened for the presentation.....surprisingly i found my listening and pointing out the guys grammatical errors....silly me.....hehe....but i have some how managed to become this critical persona who can be ruthless......there are various states that the place i live in goes through....a latest one of these is couple of hooded women banging on the doors of other people commanding rather than just being pure feminine.......wierd...and pathetic might i add....but this is apprently how things work around ehre people getting lost in tidal waves of emotions....anger to be specific....its like what great writers quote to be the frustrated mind....but the soul to be beyond frustrated......how is possible that one pill can take one persons life...yet another persons system just doesnt accept the pill hence its exited.....its no mystery....or is it the biggest one?! no one has any idea.

its been 3 bloody days

all i have on my mind is something very pervertic....yeah thats what most ppl would think once they found out....its taboo according to my society.....its the cardinal sin according my religion.....its the ultimate thing which can humiliate me in a matter of minutes.....but its something that comes natural to most human beings....but me being impotent such feelings bring abt a tidal wave of emotions....its like there is no escape...its cannot be stopped....it cannot be suppressed....it cannot be controlled....it can only be passed through with plenty of patience....and all the blessing from the Holy God to please not let u be the prey of some stupid decision taken in a jiffy.....i was just telling my friend salman abt it....and our conversation led to many other topics....and.....man this thing is overtaking my personality as a whole....its like there are these 4 walla surrounsding u....u have to sit amongst them....if u do....u gotta think like them....i know im making no sense at all mostly cuz my brother is on my tail to use the PC which according to him he rarely gets to use....now we all know that it aint true....but know what?! he is my brother....he drives to the wierdest places....takes care of me....and brought home for the two of us two adorable kittens.....my sympathies with those who are right now going through what i am going through....its an nightmare....i know.

this is where i come in.

i was a blog user once.....then stopped cuz my brothers thought it was just another one of those sites for nosy intelects..man i was pissed....but then i know my time is bound to come....at this precise time im in my university using the lab amogst a bunch of incompetent fools and what struck me suddenly is that....for them life is all about this non-serious attitude and a pathetic taste in colour and people....to them the art of judging females comes naturally.....ughh they are so loud!!....so im this 18 going on to 19 and so not looking forward to it girl whose tomboyishness has gotten her into serious fixes....but then i refuse to be someone other than who i am.....negligence has turned me into one of those french toads who feel happy while looking at others pain.....im not proud of it...but then i cant help it either.....i was just readin the croweaters the other day and rosy watson is wht is termed to be the manipulator....WHY THE FUCK IS THIS TALKING SO LOUDLY!!!!! i swear mannerisms are somethings these guys are so not accquainted with....no wonder plastic bimbos with all their brains in their arse seem to please them.....some who pronounces 'fleming' as 'flaming'.....bless stephen's soul.....hehe....my eyes are so very much numb....talked away the entire night.....my friend had called and it was like one those nights when u meet ur friends after a long time and all u do is sit in the pub drink the best beer and remember the good ol times when wives had not ruled their minds and what is now old and gray used to be fresh and striking....but then thts wht life's all abt....getting a prize and losing it not able to understand what is it that got u to that point....what wrong did u do tht all of tht was taken away slowly....as to slowly torture u....but then it is during tht time tht man realizes.....his crime was tht he didnt appreciate it....he'd rather detoriate it......tht man when bad he is as cold and hard as steel....when sad is like soft melted wax which slowly sets....man i need some coffee to gemme started....im done.